i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
