I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
