the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
