he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I am naked and annoyed.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
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