I'm pants shitting drunk right now
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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