What a fucking waste of an outfit
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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