Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
