Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
