man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
