she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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