piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
