Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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