nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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