everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
