my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize