That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
