We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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