$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I need a beard to bite.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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