it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
