You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
