Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
