I love having hate sex.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
