Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize