I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
