I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He shit in the fireplace
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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