Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize