I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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