My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
nutella sex= disaster
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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