I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize