i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
