so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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