he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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