obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
