I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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