Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
