Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
