Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
