And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
