If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
