batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
