either way he was missing a nipple.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
