I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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