Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize