ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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