How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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