Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Randomize
