Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
