Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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