This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
