dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
So vagazzling was a success
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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