dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
