This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
did you just send me my own nude
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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