stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I don't deserve a penis
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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