Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Dignity is for republicans.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
