I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize