quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
