Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
