I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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