Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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