He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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