We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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