If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
