It's Friday. Sex?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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