pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
the condom got lost in my hair
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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