Pappa wants mamma naked
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
