There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
