I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
