I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
