Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
