i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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