White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
is it fun? or sober?
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